Yesterday I was talking to my brother about my job search, well really complaining. I've been working since I was 16, I don't know how to be unemployed. Guess that means I wasn't meant to be a stay at home mom, LOL. What's really freaking me out is not being able to provide for myself or being able to purchase something if I really wanted to.
Although I do have the chance to employ a sugar daddy, the thought of depending on a man makes me want to dry heave. Plus the thought of using someone simply for financial reasons goes against everything I know. Growing up my mother always taught my sisters and I that we shouldn't take money from men. My uncles weren't even allowed to give us money....they had to give her the cash and she would give it to us. Strange I KNOW, but it stuck with me. That's why I can't for the life of me understand why females throw themselves at a man simply because he has money :/ *shudders*, but that's a whole other post in itself.
Oh yea, so my brother and I are talking and in the midst of my complaining he asks, "What happened to you wanting to start your non profit organization?". I pause, and say "Yea, that's still the plan". And he asks, "well, when do you plan on starting it?". I paused yet again and it got me to thinking. I'm sitting here waiting on someone else to GIVE me a job, when I can get to working on starting my own organization. It had to be God himself talking.
I'm such a planner, the stars have to be aligned perfectly for me to do anything. My plan was to work for a year, do a bit a of volunteering, take the GRE and apply for grad school for next fall. But that's MY plan, what are God's plans? I feel him pushing me to step out on faith, but I just don't know where to even begin. And I'm kinda scared...well A LOT scared. I wonder if I'm going to be successful. I wonder if I can really make an impact on my community. I wonder if I can a positive role model for young ladies in my community. (I'm starting to sound like Carrie Bradshaw, LOL) Seriously though, I want to help encourage young girls, especially young black girls. I feel like a lot of them are missing the love, attention and encouragement that they so desperately need. I don't claim to know the cure, but with God's guidance, help and strength I know I can work miracles.
That talk with my brother helped to realize that I should stop talking about it and seriously be about it. I've never considered myself lazy, but when it comes to this topic I guess I was being a LITTLE lazy and apprehensive. God willing, by this time next year maybe you guys (all 3 of you, lol) will be reading about my non profit organization.
So if anyone who reads this has any advice, it will be welcomed warmly :)